just going to write
I gave myself an hour, to just write what’s on my mind.
Every now and then I think about dying. When I write here I try to post information on suicide prevention, or just information about suicide and resources that could help. I guess I am a hypocrite for wanting to help save people and also just kill myself. I think that I wouldn’t want you to go, because you are awesome. and there are a lot of awesome people in the world, and I just don’t feel that way about myself.
Would you like to read a poem?
For 9 months you were safe: sheltered, protected, and guarded with care
The 9 m0nths ended, and you were born homeless.
You entered the system
Were transferred from place to place
Some warm and some cold
The rooms got smaller
The lights changed color
Then, there was the time you felt at rest
You laid against someone’s chest
Staring at teary eyes and smiles
You couldn’t grasp the attention
You arrive at a place
You’ve aged out of the system
You create you’re own wisdom
You take it’s hand
and show it through
can stop you.
End of poem ^
I am sitting in silence, the sun still rises. Does it really surprise us, when amazing things come from inside us?
Can you imagine the pain, that you’ve never experienced? my mind is in places that there are no living people. I wish I was dead, I wish that were true, I wish I could easily say goodbye to you. I hate goodbyes, they make me cry, I walk out of rooms quietly. I think about buildings, guns, and fire. my life is at the end of a wire, and it’s taut and ready to snap. the only thing stopping me is looking back. you’re an awesome person, all of you. there isn’t one person I wouldn’t be able to stand and lose, I will fight with my life to make things right, but at the end of the night im still a horrible sight. I tell lies, while I sit and cry, I am happy, yet at the same time gone.
if I disappeared it wouldn’t take long. do things get better? I have yet to find out. I guess they do if you look up instead of down. I am ashamed of myself because I am not amazing as my counterparts are. if we are in this together, is it for the right reason? every day is a perfect season.
if I tell you goodbye I would still say, but ive considered writing one final letter. whos going to care? ive done this before and always come back. the real coward iss afraid of the act.. I think of those that can as good people. it takes courage. im not encouraging it at all.
life isn’t for suicide
im starting to fall asleep, my hour isn’t done yet. I love you all and im sorry if that doesn’t mean much. thank you for listening, I will try to write on weekends, or i’ll wake up really early and just give myself an hour.
I want to do more than what im doing, I feel like a crooked politician, making false promises and lying.