this year makes it 5
but im not the age that makes it 5 years yet
anyway, years ago I attempted to kill myself
I didn’t get help until a couple years after that
they say when you try to kill yourself and talk to people about it, you hear a lot: don’t do it, its going to get better, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
well, years later after therapy and medication the therapy helped my self-esteem improve. the medication calmed my mom from worrying about my thoughts, even though she was against the whole medication thing.
has things gotten better? well, since then I have made more friends, more online friends.
I have continued going to school (not that I stopped or anything)
and I have tried to write more (but that hasn’t been going so well, as you can see.. I rarely write)
Things haven’t gotten worse. so there is a bright side.
I still think about suicide.. I try to help people that think about suicide… I try to do a lot of things and when it doesn’t work, I get bummed out and still try just like weeks later.
5 years ago I attempted to kill myself. after I got help, I started making plans to do it again, I talked about it and got more help. I haven’t talked about it since then, yet I still have plans. but my friends have been helpful, supportive, and inspiring. I have heard stories of how they made it through their troubles, and I just feel like they are awesome, and I think about myself and deny myself the opportunity saying: I am not strong enough to live.
Yet, 5 years ago. I’m still going. Do I like it? No. Am I happy? Sometimes. Am I going to kill myself? I plan to. Do I know when? No.
Because im waiting for something, even though I don’t have hope in the future or even tomorrow. even though I have help available and can talk to friends about it anytime.. im trying to live. im not looking for the meaning of life, or my purpose.. im not waiting for the perfect person to come and take me away from things… I honestly have no idea what im doing, other than planning and waiting.
Enjoy every moment, and maybe it can be awesome. Try not to be negative, and maybe you’ll get more friends. Love everyone, even if it hurts.
5 years ago I attempted to kill myself. I haven’t attempted since then. So hopefully this can help someone know that, if you keep pressing on… I don’t know. just don’t give up just yet, and my friend once told me “its ok to run away, but remember that you CAN come back.”
its not easy, but you can do it. I know you can, because you’re awesome, and you’re awesome because you’re alive and you’re alive because there is no one else like you and with that you can do anything.