I plan on finishing my 2 year degree in college.
I plan on moving out of the house.
I plan on killing myself.
I have had plans of better things:
getting a masters degree in social work
living with a friend
going different places
Im not doing those plans anymore.
Whats going to happen when I die? this site, and any other accounts I have on the internet will still remain active. I wont have someone continue writing here. I wont have someone notify you of me dying. the day of: im not going to say goodbye, apologize, or even do a speech.
Why do I want to die? I don’t know. I still don’t think im going to have a good future. im not looking forward to getting older. im a hypocrite telling others don’t give up when they want to die, yet im planning on dying myself. I feel like nothing I say matters, if im not going to listen to what others say as well.
Why am I going to finish getting the degree if I plan on killing myself? to make my mom happy. she wanted me to go to college even though I didn’t want to.
Why am I going to move out of the house? so my family doesn’t see it happen or have to be around to deal with everything. not sure if im just going to do it outside where there isn’t anyone, or save up money buy an apartment and do it there.
Published on May 5, 2012
Suicide is serious.
NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE: 1-800-273-TALK (8255) With Help Comes Hope.
I’m here. I care.
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I fail and wake up upset, knowing that my day won’t go right because I will focus on the failure. I need to work on impulse control, my psychiatrist told me. I don’t think before I act, I think about things after I do it.
I wake up upset knowing that my failure isn’t my own, because once one other person knows, the game starts. You have to try and do better, and when you’re doing better you can’t boast about it. If you win things, it’s ok to share, let people marvel in wonder, and want to have the same things that you have,
The thing is, that if you are a failure.. you don’t believe you’re even going to get anything.
But one failure doesn’t know make you as a person a failure. It’s ok to fail and mess up, because you can try again. And if you fail at a relationship, you can try not to make the same mistakes with another person.
Have you ever played a video game? I have never seen anyone beat the whole game in one try, unless they have played before or spent time watching walkthroughs before playing. In video games, you are going to lose. (Most of the time I can’t even beat the Easy mode on games.) No matter what the game: Call of Duty, Mario Bros., FIFA 13, Animal Crossing. No matter what you play it on: Game Boy Advance, PSP, PS3, PS2, GameCube, Computer.
Losing is ok. In video games you get to try again, sometimes they make you start all over, but guess what happens now? You know where to go and how to get there because you lost and learned how to play.
Losing teaches you how to win. It gives you experience. Also, when you win it’s an awesome feeling, sometimes you want to play again.
“You don’t have to win to be a winner.” – Joselyn Rivera
Failing doesn’t make you unsuccessful.
I want to leave you with this:
Published on Jan 1, 2013
Marlon’s latest album “The Introduction” AVAILABLE NOW!
Download it FREE here: http://goo.gl/b9ci2
Official Website: http://www.marlonvincent.com
Directed & Edited by: Alexis Canovas (@alexcanonball)
Produced by Kelz Bangaz (@KelzBangaz)
05 Notice Him Lyrics
[Verse 1 — Marlon Vincent]
Took me forever just to get here
Truth be told
Lord knows I live life with no fear
I continue chasing till I make it past my pinnacle flipping from Christian religion reciprocals I am individual
Who struggle everyday to stay humble
I’m on my knees with my head low
But still I still struggle
So when you look inside my eyes I pray I vanish and you see the Christ inside me see I’m just a broken canvas how to manage
When everyone is calling out your name
And all you want to do is fade away in Jesus grace
I don’t know what it means to be successful
All I know is in Jesus’ hand I feel protected
By the very same I loved
But I hold no grudge inside my heart you always fit just like a glove
I cried so many nights this pain became habitual spiritual rituals typical criminal so pitiful see
I tend to sin against the one I need
You say I’m lyrical a miracle I even breath
I want to do the things I hate the most like having sex premarital unethical my flesh provokes
Me to a point where I just can’t explain
Masturbation is enough to make a man insane
And believe that’s from experience the type of sin that dwells within rejecting all deliverance I’m broken but I smile though
Desperate for survival
Jesus Christ the only King I keep Him as my idol
And if I fail it has nothing to Jesus but everything within me the sad truth of all of us believers understanding is an option
Reject it or accept it I represented the message even though I’m still infected unprotected how I feel
I’ve fallen short of glory restore to me what I once was
Before I had a form and I am more than just a man
I am more than just a worthless person searching uncertain burdened with the serpent as my merchant he’s lurking around the corner
I’m desperate for deliverance
Look in the mirror I’m consumed by shattered images
And if you know me then you know I
Continue chasing after Jesus until my flesh dies
Gotta ride until I’m dead and gone so I make these song in prayer that you may recognize my savior forgive for my actions
Foolish since conception deception but I’m elected injected now disinfected rejected and uncorrected
Never suspected anything
And that’s the reason these demons are breathing deceiving leeching and creeping feeding I’m bleeding screaming and pleading kneeling for peaceful seasons but all I feel inner pain
And if I ever change my mind frame I pray God I mold to Jesus disintegrate child ways
So here it is my introduction
Truthfully I’d throw it all away it means nothing
So when I die my only question is
Will you notice me or will you notice Him