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the same..

they say you’re blessed to make it another year,


well what about the days before.


its all a blessing taken for granted.



damn it all man and just live.

been a while (stupidity at its finest)

whats up, I don’t know how long its been since I wrote here, I don’t even check the website anymore. and now that im typing here and knowing where it’s going to end up I wish I had more time to type everything I want to say. but I don’t have that time because I have a crap load of homework to do.

First off im not doing good im not doing well and im not doing bad. but I am not dead. I guess that’s good if you like me, right?

Second im still in college. this is my second year. im failing currently and I have one semester left to go if I pass all the things that im taking now, and Im not; yet like the person I am I told everyone and their family about. so failing is just a secret between us.

Third today sucked.
I found out that a friend of mine committed suicide on her birthday.
I got into a fight with a really good friend of mine.
I heard from someone who I was told committed suicide but then I was mean to them and they disappeared again.
I have loads of homework I just found out is due tomorrow, so I’m going to pull an all nighter trying to do it all.
I realized that I am a failure and I cried about it, in front of people.

Not important stuff: still not close to my mom. I go to group. I don’t play music anymore. I still have a youtube channel. I break things. I don’t take my medication. ive lost hope in a lot.

I might write here again soon because I missed this and I can talk her without scrutiny. I hope you are doing well.

life sucks

life sucks, that s not all.


means I love you in dinosaur.



could be a lion

or maybe a bear




could be a tiger

secret life

secret life


Ever wanted to hide everything from everyone?

You can.

so I tried..



I don’t know what I wanted to say, I planned this a while ago but never wrote it. picture taken 3-30-13

Life is a dance

The following was inspired by this song:


Life is a dance

With twist and turns

Dips and movements

The soundtrack changes  yet you still keep moving

Your partner is


and Death is a cheater

A flirt

Your dance with death

doesn’t end

The crowd silently stands still


When the partners change

Your songs continue

Life is a dance

Music being the transition

The crowd decides to sway along

Following the music

raising glasses, pumping fists, lighting up phones

Life is a dance

Don’t stop moving.

various links

look ahead

ever hear you have your whole life ahead of you?

ever hear you are better than this?

ever hear  you are worth it?

ever hear you cant give up?

Has someone ever told you your life isn’t yours to take?

A friend told me that, and I was like   What?       I took it like a challenge.

Then I thought of it like fact.

I didn’t make myself. My mom gave birth me.

I grew up, and learned from others.

Now, I’m my own person, still living in the rules of society.

But that’s not what my friend meant.

My friend meant that my life isn’t actually mine.

There is this person that loves you more than life. More than death.

More than anything, and no matter what.

It’s neverending, a love you don’t have to wish for.

But im not preaching.

There are songs about it. Books. Testimonies.

People look up to this person as everything: best friend, father, king, master, teacher and other things.

Like I said im not preaching, or putting it down.

You’ve been with me, I share everything.

I have had my moments of belief and disbelief.

That wasn’t the point I wanted to make in this.

Look ahead

You have your life ahead of you.

How can you tell?

You don’t know the future.

But if you end it now, you will never know.

Im not an optimist.

Im learning about karma. It means different things.

You have your life ahead of you.

Don’t they tell you to forget the past?

The past is behind you

and you cant really go backwards in time

but you can go forward

remember how I wrote about progress?

There is no bad progress.

If you watched the 10 reasons to smile video, that I mentioned in another post, the superwoman lady was right

no matter whether you are happy or sad time isn’t going to stand still for you. and the moments you are not happy

are moments of happiness wasted.

not sure if those were her exact words,  watch the video 🙂

Look ahead

not sure what you are going to find

think of a roller coaster, when you’re at the top ready to drop

you know ahead is the bottom

but you don’t know how the ride is going to end

(unless you have ridden the coaster before)

Look ahead

because sometimes your shadow isn’t always behind you

sometimes birds come back

sometimes I feel like writing really long meaningless things

Look ahead

there is going to be more good things to come

but nothing will be won if you’re dead

Look ahead because its like anticipation.

I don’t know.

I just don’t want my final words to be negative, not saying these are my final words.

Stay awesome, and look ahead.


life sucks

many people can come to that point.

the point where you just say fuck my life.  fml.

you question everything that ever happened.

for fucks sake.  ffs.


when you say fuck your life. that’s saying forget everything, forget the times you were happy, forget the friends, forget your family,  its saying fuck the day you were born.

ive never heard fuck used positively, have you?



I try not to say fml  no matter how bad it gets, but sometimes I go past words and just feel like dying. I wont talk about it, and i’ll just cry to sleep or listen to music.


check it out though

nothing lasts forever..

sadness, happiness, excitement and all stuff it doesn’t last forever


there is always hope

you aren’t alone

music is going to be around forever

life sucks

that doesn’t mean you stop living

that doesn’t mean you have to quit

you can get better

what stops you from thinking better?

I watched some videos and they helped me feel better. im not cured. I still don’t know what im going to do with myself, but the videos are these:

im not saying its easy.

im saying that ive been told by friends to change how im doing

change my surroundings, do better to myself.

Life sucks, but it wont always.

You can change it.

That’s the point of these words.                                                – says the person that wants to die..


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